Sixteen

Yesterday I was scared. I wasn't scared for the usual reasons I get scared in a relationship. I wasn't scared you were leaving me, or that I was saying the wrong thing, or that you were bored. I was scared because I thought you were hurt because I hadn't heard from you. I have talked to you everyday for 53 days. You texted me at 1:30 am saying the most wonderful things. When you tell me I'm beautiful, I believe you. I love you!

Nine

New Years Eve. Instead of spending some ridiculous night with your friends at some seedy bar filled with drunk and seedy people, you spent the night with me. Me and my house and hockey and beer. And you asked if my son was okay and you were actually sad you couldn't see him. When you kissed me at midnight, I saw you in every day of every month of the year proceeding that kiss. I miss you.

One

You’re at the world junior’s hockey tournament and its two days before Christmas. I’ve been going nuts today but I really didn’t want to annoy you so I’ve been trying to ignore the existence of my phone and its text messaging capabilities. But while I was sitting here, secretly hoping you’ll text me anyways, I decided to spend the next three hundred and twenty eight days compiling a bit of a you and me thing. It’s funny how confident I feel there will be another three hundred and twenty eight days and if you’re reading this you have (thankfully) not diminished this confidence for the next year. This is my preface for a compilation of our first year together and I really hope you find it “cute” and/or “nice” rather than “different.” I have never been the greatest at communication or at having the certainty that my current feelings are legitimate or if I’m tricking myself into thinking what I am; so let me state this here and now. If I haven’t told you yet, you’ll know it now, that today, on December 22^nd (the second day of winter in 2009), I, have secretly (albeit not so quietly) started falling in love with you.

You called me at 11:30 tonight after the game to ask me if I was okay. You told me you missed me and that you wanted to come over but you were kind of not so sober so I said to come another time. You said you'd be here straight after work tomorrow and that you couldn't wait to see me again. Sometimes I like you so much it's hard to put into words but in this case, one word will work: ditto.